We’ve now presented 67 times and still have yet to have a mama see our family as “THE” family for her child. It’s so hard to get the notes that say, “This mama has chosen a family. This is just a “not yet”” it’s hard to hear/read the “no” but we also know that that baby truly wasn’t meant to be ours and that mama found a connection with a family which is SUCH a huge win for everyone! I can’t help but be disappointed though. This seems so much like a marketing scheme – if the book looks just right and you say just the right words – ugh! The truth is we all like to see things a certain way. Certain messages and ads stand out to some people and not to others. Other pictures capture the attention of someone but not someone else. The same is true in this situation – a busy profile book or complicated pictures or wording could be all it takes to make a mama close our profile book and move onto the next. We’ve tried to save money where we could including our profile book the first time around but since we’re now close to being fully funded, we need to step-up our game a bit and pull in a professional profile book designer to put our best foot forward and catch the eye of the mama out there looking for our family. We’ll start the new profile process soon so we can get an updated version out there. Please continue to pray the right mama sees us at the right time as we do our best to shine as bright as we can!

They weren’t lying when they said adopting is an emotional roller coaster! Geesh! We went live last week and immediately saw a case. It was so hard not to get emotionally involved in a case that wasn’t even at all the right one for us, Lol! We were able to calm ourselves and wait for ones that were more of what we could handle (like for a single child instead of twins – lol!). We were getting ready to say, “Yes! Send our profile book on to the mama!” (also know as “presenting”) and then we asked about the money. Most of the cases we were looking at (sometimes multiple ones come in in a single day) requires full payment upon match and that number was $40,000 at the lowest and $50,000 at the highest! That would mean within days we would need to be able to write them a check for this huge amount of money – totally not what we were expecting. We had thought (and had been told) that only a few to several thousand dollars would be due upon match and then we’d have the length of the pregnancy, however much longer that would be, to rally the troops and put some fire under seats to get the needed funds. Asking for all the money up front makes it near impossible! We added up EVERYTHING we could to see how far we could get and we came up with $16,500 – still very short of $40,000 or $50,000. We were now faced with HAVING to say no to presenting to an expectant mother only because of the amount due immediately. Talk about devastated. Now we had to distance ourselves even further from these dear mommas and had to reply with a, “No, we don’t have the funds.” I HATE that money would be the thing that would keep us from reaching out to a momma looking for a forever home for her child when we have everything else all set and ready to go. Our original Hope was that we’d see more cases with a small amount due upon match and then we’d be able to go back to the grants we’ve applied for and give them specifics on the due date of the momma and exact money due but it seems like the agencies and grant givers don’t communicate their processes to each other. Most grant companies don’t want to give money out unless you’re matched and know the amount you need and where you are on that path yet most agencies want all money due upon match. See where we are with this? It’s a catch 22, no-win situation!

Another thing that’s frustrating is how quickly some people are to suggest some of the worst possible financing ideas. Like the home equity line of credit – borrowing against your house and gambling your living quarters is not a good idea. Low-interest credit cards – just yikes!!! We’ve thought about trying for a personal loan but we really don’t want to put ourselves in a stressful position where we add a large payment – and interest – to our monthly payment. Plus, if we do any of these options, we lose the opportunity to be contenders for a $10,000 interest free loan from the ABBA Fund (they don’t want their clients to be seeking out other debt ways of paying for an adoption and rightfully so). We hope to hear from most of the grants we applied for in the month of May. Hopefully, some will see us as worth the investment and will award us money towards our adoptionand enough companies will see it that way. We continue to fundraise and continue to try to think of new ways to bring in even just a few extra bucks here and there.

So what do we do for here? Well, we could choose to give up because we’re not rich people and it’ll take us forever to raise this much money on our own OR, we can keep on this path that God has led us to and trust that he’s got this. Of course we’re not quitters and although this is discouraging, we are trusting that God will provide when the right momma is shown to us and chooses us, He’ll already have the money spoken for. This does mean it’s not going to be as soon as we would have liked and this does delay our ability to present to expectant mommas right now but you know what? Those children are not the ones God intended for our family. He has that child picked for us already, we just have to be patient, diligent in our fundraising and money saving, and be ready and open for what he has prepared for us. 

We went LIVE today! What an amazing, emotional, exciting day! Going “live” means we are now presenting to expectant mothers considering an adoption plan for their child. We are presented a case, we get to decide if we want to present to the mom, and then she’ll receive our profile book, among others, and have a chance to chose us as the forever home for her child. It’s so crazy to think we’re here, we’re looking at real situations with real people and real babies soon to be born needing a home. We’re so lucky that we get to be a part of this and have the opportunity to encourage an expectant mother in her journey. Even if she doesn’t chose us or even chose adoption at all and decides to parent instead, she has made the right decision for her and her child and that should be celebrated!

Shortly after we got our “you’re live!” email, we got to see our first case. This case was not based on the criteria we had outlined earlier as what we feel like we could handle or be comfortable with but was intended to be a chance to see what cases look like in email form and have a chance to start asking questions. I tell you what though, it’s so hard not to see that situation and immediately want to hug that mama and say, “I would love to have you and your children join our family!” I have a feeling I’ll want to say that a lot as these cases come through! It’s hard to separate emotions from logic and put our current situation into play with what that would look like for us long term. This may not make much sense to most but when you hear a family story of an expectant mother looking for a family for her baby or babies, it’s hard not to fall apart and want to do anything you can to help that mama out and bring that baby or babies home! This is not, of course, how this process works as there’s a long list of items that have to be checked off and a lot of other people’s emotions and logic that come into play to. Even though we may decide to present on a case, that doesn’t mean the mama will decide we’re the right ones for her child or children. Are you getting the picture of this emotional roller coaster we just hopped on? However, we’re so excited to see where this roller coaster ends up at and what those pictures look like during and after this crazy ride.

I actually really enjoyed our home study process. I had read my fair share of articles and blogs about what to expect with the home study and I was pleasantly surprised at home easy it really was! You don’t need to fix every little dent or nick in your wall or have a perfectly spotless kitchen, although having a tidy house and a light cleaning is never a bad idea when you’re having someone over – you do want to make a good impression on the person that will be deciding if you’re fit to be a parent to an adopted child, right?

The number one thing to keep in mind about the home study is that they WANT you to succeed! Why on earth would they WANT to fail you? There are so many children needing homes (are you catching this repeated theme through my blogs?), why would they want to stop someone from moving forward with an adoption if they truly want to help a child find their forever home? They don’t want that! The home study IS setup to make sure you’re suitable parents, not abusisve in any way towards others, no warning signs of misconduct, and to make sure your motivation to adopt is in the right mindset. But the social worker also wants to make sure you are totally aware of the path you at about to embark upon. He or she wants to help you through the adoption as a resource (they’ve seen a lot in their line of work!) and as if they were your friend – saying it like it is.

Our social worker, Lauren, was so great. She was the one that first asked about our motivation to adopt. For us, it was led by our miscarriages and not being able to have any mor children on our own. BUT, we aren’t going through adoption to fill a hole we have in our hearts from those experiences. We’re adopting because we felt led by God to take in an orphan and give her a stable home, family, and life that she needs. We know we can do that and that we have room in our hearts and home to make that happen. Lauren needed to hear that we weren’t doing it just to fill our void because otherwise, we would have been disappointed with our expectations of what this child should look or act like and when things didn’t go our way, we’d be in a very tough situation. It’s okay that we got to adoption the way we did but we needed to be sure our motivation wasn’t to hastily fill an emptiness we felt from our losses.
Something else that stood out from Lauren’s visits with us was her description of what long term effects some substance exposure in the womb may have on a child. I can’t remember specifics on which items were more extreme than another (those are all good to look up one by one or talk to your pediatrician about while working through the hardship list (add link)) but the overall point was not all children will show effects from te drugs right away. Some may not show up until the child is 7, 8, or 9 years old in the forms of what some may think is ADD, sudden slowing of developmental milestones, or a sudden wall they seem to have hit when in school and working on class work. Other children may never have any symptoms. It’s hard to say how their body will react to what they were exposed to while in utero. Not only was it an eye opener to hear that some reactions would be so delayed, but it was Lauren’s point that this is a life-long commitment to this child. When something all the sudden starts getting rough for your child, there is no “putting them back” or stepping out of the scene because you’re all the sudden overwhelmed. You need to be prepared for the worst and know what steps you’ll take and who to talk to if issues do arise years down the road.

An adoption fundraiser: Purchase a T-shirt and help fund our adoption!

“You make beautiful things out of the dust”
I love this saying. It stems from the band, Gungor, in their song “Beautiful Things.” The message of the song comes from our brokenness and suffering and how God turns that into an opportunity for growth and the build His kingdom. This resounds with us as we have been heartbroken with miscarriages that ended up leading us to adoption. God already knows the child that is turning our dust into something beautiful. Join us in celebrating His promise to make all things new! Contact Katie to order your shirt for only $15 by emailing MattAndKatieForeverFamily@gmail.com

Revelation 21:4-5:And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”

It’s that crazy shopping time again and as part of our fundraising, we’ve joined a couple affiliate programs: one with eBay and one with Amazon. So to give you something more fun to look at than just a link, I’ve gathered a list of 10 funny gifts you can get off Amazon. After clicking through any of the links here and making ANY purchase (not just items listed here), a small percentage of your purchase will go into our adoption fund! Easy peasy donation at no cost to you. Thanks for participating!

1. For the dentist in your family or someone who enjoys sharks… this shark’s eyes glow evil red while playing the game!

2. For the person who loves to color – and loves a good laugh at the same time, lol!

3. Fanny packs are coming back, but this puts a whole new twist on the front pack…

4. Now the little one in your life can get a real feel for what it would look like to have a duck bill of their own!

5. A whole new look to match the nickname of “Beardy”…

6. Hahahaha! Squirrels can be fun to watch anyway but giving them this new feeding venue will sure tickle your funny bone!

7. Gift of nothing. Yep, you read that right. When someone says the need “nothing” for Christmas, you now know exactly what to order.


8. Snot and tear mittens – dual sided so you don’t get snot in your eyes!

9. Bacon grooming kit for those on your list who love “everything bacon”

10. If you have to have a mini USB splitter, why not have it in a fun, comical shape?

Also consider buying from ebay through this link and we’ll get a little kickback from your purchase there as well. Ebay Affiliate Link – Get straight to the toys from this link!

Thank you!!

Oh man, we had to gather a lot for our home study! I had no idea there was THAT much information to grab on our own background. We have had to do Child Protective Services checks on all five of us, Indiana background checks, Michigan background checks (because we lived there for three years), local background checks, National Sex Offender checks, and we had to schedule and pay for electronic fingerprinting for FBI background checks! And that’s all just one line of many, many things we’ve had to gather just to get our home study scheduled. All five of us have had physicals (we had to pay for the doctor’s visit) TB tests (had to pay for those too) and Matt and I had to do drug tests as well (extra lab fees), which we’re gathering the last of those papers today. I’m amazed at how many additional expenses we’ve had to pay that I didn’t even know existed and these are all part of the home study but the fees were not included as part of it. But we’re close to getting over this hump and getting closer to bringing our baby girl home.

I am overjoyed at the response of encouragement and excitement we’ve gotten from people after they’ve heard we’re adopting. It is SO heartwarming to know we have a community behind us! We have gotten a total of $910 donated so far through our Facebook Fundraiser and direct donations (check or PayPal). That is amazing! We’ve kicked off our Holiday Pie fundraiser, selling pies for $20 each, and have gotten orders for 10 pies already. We’re set-up to have a table at the YMCA Holiday Bazaar this Saturday from 9-2 to sell pies, cake balls, cookies, and upcycled t-shirt bracelets and headbands I’ve been making. We’re also signed up for a table during Light-Up Lanesville on Saturday, December 1, from 3-7ish to sell our goodies and hopefully we’ll have some other goods in too to sell as well. We’re getting a couple fundraiser bundles from Compelled Designs of bracelet cuffs and necklaces that we’ll be selling at the vendor shows and to whomever is interested and I’m waiting to hear back from Love Coffee for another similar fundraiser set-up where we get to keep a portion of the money when we sell their gourmet coffee. And another thing we have on our list is to design t-shirts and sell those. We’re hoping to find/create a design that can appeal to a lot of people and it not just be an adoption shirt. Oh, AND we’re doing a gift-wrapping fundraiser that we’ll kick off after Thanksgiving where we’ll wrap your Christmas gifts for you for a donation to our adoption. 

So we have a lot planned (whew! I get worn out just thinking about it all!) but we just want to do all that we can to raise the money needed to help bring peace to the birth mom and a home to our baby girl. As I start baking pies and goodies for this weekend (our electricity just came back on from the ice storm), I have joy in my heart and hope of s better life for one little girl. ❤️❤️

November 1, 2018  –  written by Katie

Here I am at 1:15am typing my first blog about our adoption – par for the course, actually, LOL! 

We were scared to tell people at first, not knowing how they’d react to the idea of us adopting but have been welcomed with open arms and supported with hugs and tears of joy that we’ll be growing our family yet again. Thinking this over and over in my head and talking to others who have adopted, I realize this all comes from a place of brokenness. Our hearts have been broken again and again with each pregnancy loss. This baby girl who will be entering our lives has been brought into this world in a broken situation – her mom and dad may not be together or just may not have the resources or feel equipped to raise a child at this point in their lives. We’re glad we get to be an aid in this situation and give a baby a home, give the mom (and maybe the dad) some extra support, counseling, and show them the love that God has for them through this tough situation. We realize this is not just about this tiny baby but we’re given a chance to be a part of the birth mom’s life and show her love in a way that we wouldn’t have gotten to otherwise.

As I work on paperwork and prioritizing my long list of to-dos before we can become “active” with our consulting agency (Faithful Adoption Consultants) to start presenting to birth moms, I continuously pray for God to guide us through this adventure and to show his love to this baby and to her mom and dad. I dream of the hugs we’ll share and of the many kisses Harrison will give her (he loves kissing babies!). I can’t express how blessed I feel to have three wonderful, loving boys that are just as excited to have a another baby in the house as I am. Shortly after we created our loose change and dollar adoption jar and put it out on our counter, Jackson took out $5 from his “save” envelope and put it in our nearly empty jar saying he wanted to help bring home his baby sister as soon as possible. To a child who works around the house and does extra chores when given the option of making some extra money and saves his money up diligently for the bigger toys, it’s a big deal to clean out that envelope and see that even that $5 gets us closer to meeting our baby. That is a gesture full of love and sacrifice – one that made me tear up as his mom, of course, and makes me so proud. He gets it. He might not understand fully how far a dollar can go but he knows their is a purpose bigger than his own desires. 

As I head to bed in the wee hours this morning, I pray we all can find that kind of passion in our hearts for something God has called us to — not just financially but with our time and other resources, and give that “something” all we can. 

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

November 2, 2018 – written by Katie

So far this has been a quite interesting adventure. We originally thought the only way to adopt was to go through an agency and wait for the right mom to come through that agency and choose us as the parents for their child. We heard about FAC (Faithful Adoption Consultants) from a couple friends and thought we should check them out. Consultants for adoption that work with lots of different agencies to help find the right match faster – what a great idea! So we filled out an application and received our acceptance email from them on Thursday, October 11. We had to get their fee and notarized contract to them in just a few days time so we scrambled around and made it happen. We have a long list of 26 items we need to complete or gather before we can become “active,” which means we’ll be able to present to birth moms. It’s all quite overwhelming at first so we’re just trying to take it one thing at a time and slowly but surely, we’ll get everything together.

One of the more pressing items right now is getting our home study done. We called a bunch of different places around the state of Indiana (and one in Kentucky that ended up not being certified to do Indiana home studies) to try to find one close and at a reasonable price. At first, we were given ones that were in Fort Wayne and they wanted something like $2600 PLUS mileage PLUS $50 an hourly wage while traveling – talk about expensive! After more searching and asking FAC for more references, we found a place out of Indianapolis that is about a $1000 LESS on their basic fees but we still have to pay mileage from Indy and back with each visit – still much more manageable! I’ve completed their application and we’ll be getting started with them ASAP, as the home study can take up to eight weeks to get completed.

The biggest item on the list is our finances. We have to prove we have the funds to adopt before we can become active. This doesn’t mean we have to have all the money in hand but if we have part of the money and get pre-approval for an adoption loan (definitely not what we want to do in the end though), we can go ahead and become active and while we’re waiting to be matched, we can continue applying to grants and fundraising. The average wait time for a couple to be matched with a birth mom after becoming active with FAC is 4 1/2 months. Although that’s not long, we can make a lot happen in 4 1/2 months and I suspect that because we’re being a little picky on our options (minimal substance exposure, caucasian mix, specifying gender) and we already have kids of our own (some birth moms — I would say the majority — are looking for a couple without any kids or maybe just one other child). I’ll be honest, the money required scares me – it’s HUGE and we just don’t have the funds to do it ourselves or to add a huge monthly payment to pay off a loan. But I know that God is behind this and he will help us find the ways to gather that money to bring our little girl home.

Back to the big list of to-dos! Please pray for this process and for everything to come together smoothly!